Brainrot Calculator

Am I Cooked? The "Brainrot Calculator" That Diagnoses Your Internet Addiction

If you understood the title of this article, I have bad news for you: You are already infected.

We are living in the golden age of "Brainrot." It is a digital pandemic sweeping through Gen Z and Gen Alpha, transmitted via TikTok algorithms, YouTube Shorts, and Twitch streams. It rewires your dopamine receptors. It shrinks your attention span. It replaces your vocabulary with words that would send a Victorian child into a coma.

But how deep does the rot go? Are you just a casual scroller, or are you a terminal Ohio resident?

We built the Brainrot Calculator (above) to give you a definitive medical diagnosis. It analyzes your screen time, your vocabulary, and your ability to focus to determine if your brain is healthy gray matter... or pure internet sludge.

What is "Brainrot"? (A Glossary for the Uncooked)

Before you take the test, you need to understand the symptoms. Brainrot is not just being online; it is a specific state of mind where internet meme culture bleeds into reality.

If you use these words unironically, your score is going up:

• Skibidi: Derived from the viral "Skibidi Toilet" series. It essentially means... nothing. And everything. It is a filler word for chaos.
• Fanum Tax: The act of stealing a portion of someone's food. (Named after streamer Fanum).
• Rizz / The Rizzler: Short for Charisma. The ability to charm someone.
• Mewing: The act of pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth to improve your jawline (and refusing to speak while doing it).
• Ohio: Internet shorthand for "weird," "cursed," or "apocalyptic."
• Am I Cooked?: Am I done for? Is it over?

How to Use the Calculator

This tool serves as a vibe check for your soul. Be warned: The results may hurt your feelings.

Step 1: Confess Your Screen Time Be honest. Go to your phone settings right now. Check your daily average.

• 0-4 Hours: You are likely a productive member of society.
• 8+ Hours: You are working a full-time job at the Scrolling Factory for $0/hour.

Step 2: The Attention Span Test This is the true measure of the rot. Can you watch a movie? A whole movie? Without checking your phone? If you need a "Split Screen" video with Family Guy clips on top and Subway Surfers gameplay on the bottom just to feel something, you are in the danger zone.

Step 3: The Vocabulary Audit Select the words you use in real life.

• Note: If you have ever said "What the Sigma" to your parents, select the checkbox and prepare for a high score.

Interpreting Your Diagnosis

Hit "DIAGNOSE ME." The calculator will crunch the numbers and give you a Rot Percentage.

0-20%: NPC (Healthy) You are a Non-Player Character. You exist in the background. You pay your taxes, you sleep 8 hours, and you don't know who Kai Cenat is. You are safe, but arguably boring.

21-50%: Chronically Online You are cultured. You send memes to your friends. You understand the references, but you don't let them ruin your life. This is the sweet spot.

51-80%: Brain Rot Infected You are in trouble. Your internal monologue is narrated by TikTok sounds. You struggle to read books because you can't scroll past the boring parts. You need an intervention.

81-100%: Terminal Ohio Resident You are fully cooked. Your brain has been smoothed out like a polished stone. You communicate exclusively in grunts and Twitch emotes. There is no cure, only "Fanum Tax."

The Cure: "Touching Grass"

If your score was alarmingly high, there is only one known cure for Brainrot.

It is called Touching Grass. This involves going outside, leaving your phone behind, and physically making contact with nature. Sunlight helps reset the dopamine receptors. Real-world conversations help purge the "Skibidi" from your vocabulary.

The Verdict

The internet is a fun place to visit, but you don't want to live there.

Use the Brainrot Calculator above to check your levels weekly. If you see your score creeping up toward 100%, it's time to log off, lock in, and reclaim your mind from the algorithm.

(Disclaimer: This calculator is for entertainment purposes only. Please do not mew while reading this article.)